Friday evening whilst attending BlogHer 2011 I took sometime to have dinner with one of the members of my chosen Man Family, Captain Awesome. The topics wavered back and forth between his wedding that has been postponed due to our Chosen Family issues and my current relationship and the things that seem to baffle the mind when it comes to finding people who you can put down the walls around and just be.
We got on the topic of appreciation, which seems to be all over the place lately in my circles, and how one shows and knows that they are appreciated in the relationships in their lives.
The other day when the Boyfriend and I got on the topic somehow of which I can’t even remember, he mentioned all the things that he appreciated that I do for him. And it was definitely one of those girl moments when my internal girlie-girl went into full happy dance mode. But here’s the thing that blows my mind, I kinda knew he did already, even though it was epically awesome to hear it. There is something about how we mingle on a daily basis that in my bones there is a confidence that what we do for each other doesn’t go unnoticed by either of us. That is just how we roll.
In talking with Captain Awesome, we started remembering the thieving bastards who have taken advantage of our kindness and therefore were exiled from the land of Misfit Toys. It goes without saying that yes, it has taken eons to build up the ability to tell the users from the real deal, and it has been a painful path in many instances. But in all honesty, I am no longer interested in being in any kind of relationship where I play the doer to someone’s taker. What does one get from constantly being the one who is doing? A good relationship, of any kind, should be reciprocal. One should never feel like they are always the one who makes things happen.
Like the other for example, I go through a weird decompression after being in San Diego solo. Sans Monkey I get to do things I used to do back in the day when I spent so much time there that I practically lived there, and then almost did move there a few years ago for a boy. Bad reason to move anywhere and I realized that before the deposit was made. But as I made my way through Sunday, I felt lost and sad and like I was a fish out of water. I was lonely for something that didn’t hold water anymore but it still nagged at my heart. The Boyfriend could sense my obvious frustration since I was wandering around the house like a Bull in a China shop and somehow just helped. I don’t even know what he said or what he did but in those moments of letting it out I felt better. At ease, and okay with whatever it was. See doing isn’t just buying things or making things happen or some showy instance of flash. I appreciate that he’s getting to know me and what makes me tick and often tock into a mood of bleh.
Relationships should be give and take. There should be understand and compromise on things. There should be discussion and even arguing sometimes, as applies. I don’t see any of my current relationships functioning without any of these things and more. And I truly appreciate the people who are there for me in every little tiny way.
It was awesome to be at BlogHer and I will totes blog about it later. And I am grateful for the chance to meet everyone who is there that appreciates my well, ridiculousness.